


The Loyal Hoes Meet

by orphan_account



Series: Loyal Hoe Squad™ [1]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aaron Burr and Maria Reynolds will come later they are the Loyal Hoes number 5 and 6 bless, Aaron and Alex fight physically fight James to the point of blood shed, Aaron is that stereotypical gay friend yikes, Alex Angelica Peggy and Eliza are all besties i love it so much, Everyone especially burr is ooc, F/F, James Reynolds gets blown out of the water by Angie, James is the worst boyfriend ever, M/M, Maria is a really good friend, Multi, he is Alex's wingman actually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-11 12:26:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7051372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lion cub: i feel like i ate a tire</p><p>Angie: you ate a man's arm</p><p>Lion cub: oh</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Loyal Hoes Meet

**Author's Note:**

> /sarah schauer voice/ GOD DAMN IT
> 
> i told myself no more fanfictions until i finished month two of Jeffmads and Progeny but fuck me this happened
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> how does college work

_and peggy sent a message to Lion Cub._

and peggy: hi!!!

Lion cub: oh hey, its peggy from earlier today right?

and peggy: yep! whats with your username

Lion cub: burr nicknamed me lion cub yikes

and peggy: aw thats so gay

Lion cub: Gay dot burr

and peggy: I JUST SNORTED

Lion cub: ;)

and peggy: this is how friendship is formed

Lion cub: true friendship

and peggy: gayship

Lion cub: within five messages we're already on the topic of gay

and peggy: what else is better than gay people

Lion cub: gay people,,, bein gay,,, with each other,,,

and peggy: oh shit u right

Lion cub: shit i gotta go Washington needs me to help sort papers and that kinda shit

and peggy: professor Washington??? how the hell do you know him already its like ur third day

Lion cub: he went up to me and said "hey you look smart come after school at 4 or so i have some papers i need help correcting if you're up for it"

and peggy: TEACHERS PET!!1!11!

Lion cub: im telling the teacher!!!!1! ;"""""(

and peggy: *2009 war flashbacks*

and peggy: its like 4:30 you're gonna be late

Lion cub: OH SHIT

Lion cub: talk later?

_and peggy sent a file: hellfuckinGYEAAAAAH.mp3_

Lion cub: omf

-

Lion cub: shit that took f o r e v e r

and peggy: ITS ONLY FIVE

Lion cub: half an hour is three hours in lion time

and peggy: gay time***

Lion cub: you time***

and peggy: im actually hella gay***

Lion cub: shit same but im hella bi***

and peggy: How To Come Out To A Person You Met Five Hours Ago

Lion cub: An Autobiography of Peggy Schuyler

and peggy: YOU SPELLED SCHUYLER RIGHT B L E S S

and peggy: CAN I INVITE MY SISTERS TO THE CHAT

Lion cub: the more the gayer

_and peggy added Angie and eliza to the chat._

_and peggy named the group S C H U Y L E R._

Angie: peggy what the hell

and peggy: THIS IS MY FAVORITE FRIEND EVER HE SPELLED SCHUYLER RIGHT

Angie: and

and peggy: ON THE FIRST T R Y

eliza: OH SHIT

Lion cub: uh

Lion cub: hi

eliza: Hi! Im Elizabeth but just call me Eliza!

Angie: im Angelica but you can call me the Hoe

Lion cub: never have i related to a sentence more

Lion cub: Im Alexander, he/him. Just call me Alex if you want :P

eliza: so alex, what are you in college for?

Angie: you make it sound like its prison

and peggy: is it not

Lion cub: mmyikes

Lion cub: writing and debate/politics in my spare time :0

and peggy: cool???? holy shit now i wanna read one of your debates

eliza: DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ON EQUAL RIGHTS FOR MEN AND WOMEN AND EQUAL PAY AND SAME-SEX RIGHTS AND TRANSGENDER RIGHTS AND LGBT RIGHTS

Lion cub: *breaks down door with foot*

Lion cub: hOE DO I EVER

Lion cub: WHATS YOUR EMAIL I'LL SEND THEM TO YOU

eliza: ELIZASCHUY@GMAIL.COM

and peggy: I WANNA READ THEM MARGARITASCHUY@GMAIL.COM

Angie: HOE LET ME READ THEM TOO ANGIESCHUY@GMAIL.COM

Lion cub: gimME A SECOND THERES LIKE FIVE OF THEM

Angie: H O L Y

Angie: A L E X A N D E R

and peggy: SEND THESE TO THE PRESIDENT

eliza: HAVE YOU SHOWN ANY OF THESE TO WASHINGTON

Lion cub: NO BUT I PLAN TO

Angie: WRITE A BOOK ALEX

Lion cub: I AM BUT A POOR HOE I CANT WRITE THAT MUCH WITHOUT HAVING A MENTAL BREAKDOWN

Angie: HOE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH IS IMPORTANT

Lion cub: HOE MY MENTAL HEALTH IS DESTROYED

eliza: HOE YOURE COMING TO OUR DORM TOMMOROW AND CHILLING WITH US

and peggy: HOE I HAVE FOOD

Angie: HOE

and peggy: HOE

eliza: HOE

Lion cub: HOE

_and peggy named the group HOE SQUAD_

eliza: scuz you i am a Loyal Hoe

_Angie sent a file: surejan.jpg_

eliza: I AM A LOYAL HOE AT LEAST I DON'T WEAR A DAMN WEAVE

Angie: EVEN IF I OWNED A WEAVE ITD STILL BE REALER THAN YOU

_Lion cub sent a file: aloevera.jpg_

eliza: im gonna marry alex then he can tell you how much of a loyal hoe i am

Lion cub: my bisexuality is growing nicely

Lion cub: that

Lion cub: sounded sexual

and peggy: Me

Angie: ITS BEEN TWENTY MINUTES AND WE WENT FROM HI MY NAME IS ____ TO LOYAL HOES AND ROASTING

_and peggy named the group LOYAL HOE SQUAD._

eliza: THIS IS HOW FRIENDSHIPS ARE FORMED

Angie: ALEX IS LOYAL HOE #1

eliza: IM LOYAL HOE #2

and peggy: LOYAL HOE #3

Angie: LOYAL HOE #4

Lion cub: I AM THE MOTHER HOE

Lion cub: LOOK AT MY HOELINGS

and peggy: HOELINGS I M

Angie: SHI T I GOTTA GO ALEX MY HOE BROTHER STAY MENTALLY WELL I WILL SEE YOU TOMMOROW

eliza: me and angie have thing together so i have to go bye husband <3

Lion cub: #bestofwivesandbestofwomen <3

and peggy: a single hoeling remains in the dad hoe's nest

Lion cub: just call me daddy

and peggy: AND THE HOELING HAS LEFT

Lion cub: LAUGHS

-

Angie: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEXANDER

eliza: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEXANDER

and peggy: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALEXANDER

Lion cub: i have been summoned

Angie: YOU'RE RESTING WITH US IN OUR DORM TODAY REMEMBER

eliza: HAIL THE FATHER HOE

and peggy: HAIL GALAXAR

Lion cub: isnt that from monsters vs aliens

and peggy: yes it is my father hoe

Lion cub: i can bring oreos if you want

and peggy: MARRY ME

Lion cub: u aren't neil patrick harris haha

Angie: when ur ace aro af

eliza: when ur ace gay af

Lion cub: and our coming out segment continues

Lion cub: can i bring my gay homie

eliza: shifty eyes

eliza: who is it

Lion cub: Aaron Burr???

Angie: EW HE A STRAIGHT FLIRTY HOE

Lion cub: um???

Lion cub: he gay as hell???

Angie: he is

Lion cub: he just acts like a flirt yikes

Angie: the hoe squadron will accept him for today

Angie: if he passes all hoe expentations

Angie: he is allowed to live another day

_Lion cub sent a file: godDAMNthatsedgy.jpg_

Angie: u want him to come over or not

Lion cub: ,,,,

-

Lion cub: i've never seen any of you except for Peggy and Burr hm

Lion cub: im 389456329845719802561207895 percent sure that you're all hotter than me

and peggy: i look like a ripe bannana u hoe

-

Lion cub: ME AND BURR ARE ON OUR WAY

-

Lion cub: OH MY GOD YOU'RE ALL SO HOT

Angie: you're sitting right next to us why did you text us

Lion cub: why did you respond

Angie: i

Angie: touche

-

_Lion cub added gay.burr to LOYAL HOE SQUAD._

gay.burr: ALEX YOU WHORE GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND WATCH THE MOVIE

Lion cub: BOY MEETS GIRL IS SO SAD I  C A N ' T

gay.burr: do you need to hug me

Lion cub: yes

gay.burr: then put your phone up

Lion cub: hmph

-

and peggy: N U D I T Y

eliza: i realized how gay i was when the scene with Francesca came on oops

gay.burr: okay but robby

Angie: eeeeh

Angie: Aaron Burr

Angie: as a Loyal Hoe Sister

Angie: i am pleased to announce

Angie: you have passed the Loyal Hoe test

gay.burr: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYE

Lion cub: THE MOVIES STILL ON DUMB SHITS

gay.burr: SORRY

-

Lion cub: i need a hug

gay.burr: c'mere

and peggy: aw burr and ham cuddling is actually adorable

eliza: i ship it

Angie: me

Lion cub: no thanks i have boyfriends

gay.burr: your boyfriends are d i c k s

Lion cub: they scare me too much some times lmao

eliza: I S2G IF THEY HURT YOU IN ANYWAY

Angie: THEY GONE CATCH THESE FISTS

and peggy: imma git em

Lion cub: lol im fine hahaha dont worry

gay.burr: boy no you aint you need to leave them

Lion cub: tHeY hUrT mE???

eliza: HE CATCHING THESE FISTS

and peggy: WHO ARE THEY

Lion cub: guys please seriously

Lion cub: i tried to leave them but they kinda do stuff to me if i try

eliza: T H A T  D I D N ' T  A N S W E R  O U R  Q U E S T I O N

Lion cub: Charles Lee and Samuel Seabury

and peggy: oh my  g o d you struck low

Lion cub: they're gonna get mad i gotta go sorry guys

Angie: i dont feel okay letting you go see them if they hurt you???

Lion cub: well you arent my mom so see ya 

eliza: ALEX PLEASE

_Lion cub left LOYAL HOE SQUAD._

eliza: PANICKED SCREAMING

and peggy: if we can convince him to tell us crap and let us help we can conceve a plan

gay.burr: for now 

_gay.burr added Lion cub to LOYAL HOE SQUAD._

Lion cub: stop pushing at this

gay.burr: alex alex please we'll leave it

Lion cub: promise?

Angie: promise

eliza: hhh promise

and peggy: promise

Lion cub: thank you

Lion cub: so can we change the subject now

Angie: SoOoOoO eLiZa

eliza: oh no

Angie: WhAtS tHiS i HeAr AbOuT yOu AnD mArIa ReYnOlDs

eliza: we may be kinda dating

Lion cub: eliza what the diddly darn shes with james reynolds

eliza: JAMES IS AN ABUSIVE ASS

gay.burr: W H A T

Lion cub: I M M A  G I T  E M

eliza: CAN I ADD MARIA

Lion cub: YEA

_eliza added maria to LOYAL HOE SQUAD._

maria: hey babe

Lion cub: hello hello hello !!!

maria: hi !!!

gay.burr: yo

maria: aye

eliza: HI BABE

maria: HI !!!

eliza: are you near james ???

maria: no bb

Lion cub: WHAT DORM IS HIS

Lion cub: IMMA GIT EM

maria: uh who are you

maria: no offense

Lion cub: Alexander Hamilton !

Lion cub: NOW LET ME FIGHT HIM

gay.burr: LEMME FIGHT HIM TOO

maria: are we finally going to use the Plan

eliza: THE PLAN

Lion cub: SEND ME THE PLAN I'LL PROOF READ IT

Lion cub: IF THERE ISN'T A PART WHERE ANGELICA ROASTS JAMES I SWEAR

_eliza sent a file: thePlan.jpg_

eliza: THERES A ROAST

Lion cub: BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

gay.burr: HOLY SHIT THERES A FIGHT

Lion cub: DONT LET PEGGY FIGHT

and peggy: WHY BECAUSE IM A GIRL HUH

Lion cub: NO YOU WHORE BECAUSE HES SIX FOOT FOUR AND YOU ARE THE SIZE OF A FOOT STOOL

and peggy: BITCH SO ARE YOU

Lion cub: I HAVE EXPERIENCE IN FIGHTING

and peggy: WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I DONT

Lion cub: YOURE YOU

maria: ahem

Lion cub: shit sorry

Lion cub: DAMN ANGIE GOT AN ENTIRE ROAST FEST GOING ON

gay.burr: "I KNOW MY SISTER LIKE I KNOW MY OWN MIND YOU WILL NVER FIND ANYONE AS TRUSTING OR AS KIND"

Lion cub: "i loVE MY SISTER MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THIS LIFE I WILL CHOOSE HER HAPPINESS OVER MINE EVERYTIME"

eliza: "PUT WHAT WE HAD ASIDE IM STANDING AT HER SIDE"

and peggy: "YPU CAN NEVER BE SATISFIED GOD I HOPE YOU'RE /SATISFIED/"

Lion cub: AND THATS WHEN ME AND BURR BEAT HIM

gay.burr: YAY

maria: ARE WE DOING THIS TONIGHT

eliza: I MAY NOT LIVE TO SEE OUR GLORY

Lion cub: BUT I WILL GLADLY JOIN THE FIGHT

gay.burr: AND WHEN OUR CHILDREN TELL OUR STORY

and peggy: THEY'LL TELL THE STORY OF TONIGHT

Angie: RAISE A GLASS TO FREEDOM

maria: SOMETHING JAMES WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN

eliza: NO MATTER WHAT HE TELLS YOU

Lion cub: RAISE A GLASS TO THE SIX OF US

gay.burr: TOMMOROW THEY'LL BE MORE OF US

and peggy: TELLING THE STORY OF TONIGHT

Angie: THEY'LL TELL THE STORY OF TONIGHT

maria: they'll tell the story of... tonight...

Lion cub: we just wrote a whole musical number

gay.burr: HIGH FIVE

maria: HIGH FIVES BURR

Angie: loud laughing

eliza: angie do you have any plans with james tonight

Angie: we actually have a studying thing tonight ;)

eliza: WHAT TIME

Angie: LIKE

Angie: 11 TONIGHT

eliza: BEAT JAMES ON SIX

Angie: ONE

eliza: TWO

and peggy: THREE

maria: FOUR

Lion cub: FIVE

gay.burr: SIX

eliza: WOO

-

maria: the time has come

eliza: i got your back babe

Lion cub: IM GONNA GET HIM

-

Angie: hey james we on for tonight still?

JR: yeah of course!

Angie: okay thanks !

Angie: see you soon !

-

_Angie sent a file: MISSIONFIGHTJAMESISAGO.jpg_

Angie: THIS BOI IS IN FOR THE SURPRISE OF A LIFE TIME

eliza: DAT BOI IS IN FOR A RIDE

Lion cub: I BROUGHT MY POCKET KNIFE IN CASE THINGS GO WRONG

gay.burr: jfc

-

Angie: ALEX ARE YOU OKAY

eliza: IM SCREAMING ALEX OH MY GOD PLEASE BE OKAY

and peggy: BURR IS HE OKAY

maria: WHAT HAPPENED I CANT SEE

gay.burr: HE SPAT OUT A PIECE OF JAMES' ARM AND STARTED VOMITTING UP BLOOD AND THEN HE PASSED OUT 

gay.burr: I HAVE SOME FRIENDS WHO WE CAN TAKE HIM TO ONE OF THEM IS A TAILOR AND ONE IS A DOCTOR DUDE 

eliza: HURRY BEFORE THE COPS SHOW UP

-

gay.burr: john just audibly screamed when he saw me

gay.burr: "you should see alexander"

gay.burr: *alex pops out from bush delirious as hell*

gay.burr: "hey there bird"

gay.burr: *john screams louder*

-

gay.burr: okay alex just swallowed a ton of blood, none of it was actually his???

eliza: Holy shit we almost killed our friend we only knew for a few days

and peggy: IS HE AWAKE

gay.burr: hes cuddling with the fuckin tailor dude Hercules???

Angie: my son is growing up

gay.burr: john was stitching me up and touched my side and i got Uncomfortable so i moaned loudly and laf fuckin snorted

maria: me

maria: I JUST REALIZED IM FREE FROM JAMES BECAUSE WE STOLE ALL MY SHIT FROM HIS DORM

maria: AAAAAA

gay.burr: how do i explain to my flamboyant pan friend  how the hell this happened

eliza: good luck charlie

-

gay.burr: god damn that took forever

Lion cub: i feel like i ate a tire

Angie: you ate a man's arm

Lion cub: oh 

-

Lion cub: BURR WHY ARE YOUR FRIENDS SO HOT AND WHY HAVENT YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THEM???

gay.burr: WASNT MY TOP PRIORITY WHEN I MET YOU

Lion cub: IT SHOULDVE BEEN

-

Lion cub: cuddle puddle covered in blood was a good idea

-

Lion cub: where the hell did everybody go

-

Lion cub: IM MESSAGING THE WRONG CHAT SHIT

-

Angie: poor alex

Lion cub: fuck off

**Author's Note:**

> im strangely proud of this
> 
> alex tore a couple chunks out of james' arm with his teeth and ended swallowing a lot of blood if any of you are confused about that


End file.
